I DON’T WANT 2011 TO GO!!!

Now, don’t get me wrong. 2011 was just awful in lots of ways. For example, I spent the first seven months of it out of work, running my savings down to nothing as I wondered whether my father would live another day.

So it’s not 2011 in particular that I’m anxious to hang onto. I’ll probably feel the same way one year from now even if the Republicans screw up 2012 big enough to allow Barack Obama an unjustifiable second term.

I just hate having to relinquish my favorite 1/3 of any given year for the beginning of the 2/3rds that do almost nothing for me. Halloween is almost 11 months away. The Summer heat won’t let up for another eight or nine months. Hell, Christmas, beloved Christmas is almost a year away now.

I’ll be grudgingly all right tomorrow, or in a week or two. But for now, I’m inconsolable.

This is wonderful, wonderful news!

Of course, this being reality, the Left is already fretting on Twitter about how angry the bad Muslims are going to be when they see us celebrating.  Well, all I have to say to that is this:  do the Frug, bitches!  Allahu Ackbar!

Look, I know as a Catholic that I should probably pray for bin Laden’s soul tonight, but I can’t help thinking that this matter has probably already been settled.

Scares the hell out of movie viewers.

Scares the hell out of liberals.

I was browsing Netflix recently trying to track down a copy of the 1970s conspiracy-thriller-disguised-as-a-killer-fish-film “Barracuda” (Shut up, you!  It was super kewl in the late 70s, especially with it’s freaky downbeat ending!).

I’d figured the film was pretty much gone for good and so was delighted to discover that it’s still available on one of those cheap compilation discs that sometimes pair up forgotten films under a kind of cheesy drive-in movie banner.

Here’s a sample from the text of the first customer review listed:

…You gotta love a flick that pretends to be about fish “gone bad” (ala Jaws) but is actually about a government experiment that has unintentional consequences for the local population and the local sea-life. The whole conspiracy concept is so laughable and the way it is portrayed will make you wonder if Sarah Palin helped write the script.. You know what I mean, “someone isn’t telling the whole truth” and so on hehe.

<snip>

One scene shows a young lady who takes her shirt off and seduces one of the “visitors” and then cuts his “man-hood” off but we see no hide nor hair of her afterward or what happened to her. I can live with that though because the whole movie is so silly and plot holes are as prevalent as Sara Palin’s husband attempts to get that state trooper fired in Alaska. I meant that there are many plot holes in this flick. Just wanted to clarify that hehe. Recommended if you like double features that pretend they are 70′s flicks. 10/14

Get it?  The movie is so bad that it’s like SARAH PALIN WAS INVOLVED!!!1!

The next time you feel bad about yourself, just remember that there are people out there who are so consumed with hatred for Sarah Palin that they can’t even write a customer review for a cheesy 70s movie without telling the whole world how much they hate the former governor of Alaska.

She lives inside their heads rent free.

As for the video itself, I’m not entirely clear what’s happening to him, but it sort of looks like he’s being turned inside out and then into pudding.  Whatever it is, that’ll learn him.

Now if you didn’t enjoy that, then go ahead and watch a 67-year-old woman do a provocative dance.  You’re welcome.

Doesn't Want You To Drill

Ten years ago gasoline prices spiked at the pump.  After several years in the $1.50/gallon range (even dipping as low as $0.97/gallon for a brief period of time in 1997), suddenly we were paying $2.00/gallon, then $2.10, then $2.20.

I was unemployed at the time and trying to get through a Summer training program for which I had budgeted my savings very carefully.  I remember getting increasingly anxious every time the price went up because I had not made provisions for a huge gasoline price increase, and the increases hurt.

Now, more sensible people at the time were encouraging the government to ease restrictions on domestic oil exploration, especially in ANWR, but the Democrats objected that we shouldn’t despoil the pristine wilderness.  And besides, they said with the short-sightedness for which they are known, it will take ten years for any new oil to make it to the market and have an impact on pump prices.

Now I’ve always thought that the ten years timeframe was primarily pulled out of their collective asses, because (a) it probably wouldn’t take ten years and (b) a substantive commitment to domestic oil exploration would have sent a message to the rest of the world that would most likely have had an impact on oil prices.

But even if the  Left had been right, it’s now been ten years.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have some of that oil making its way to the pumps right about now?

It could have been, too, if the Republicans had fought for it, but they didn’t, because they’re Republicans, and caving in to shrieking buffoons is what they do best.

So how about we start drilling now?

“Democrats can go to prison for corruption (Rep. William Jefferson of Louisiana) or be censured for ethics violations (Rep. Charlie Rangel of New York) and no reporter ever considers this a reflection on the Democratic Party in general. Yet every would-be Woodward and bush-league Bernstein knows in his heart that GOP politicians are all crooked, so that an army of intrepid investigative journalists stands eternally ready to pounce on the Pulitzer Prize to be won by exposing a Republican scandal. And while they wait for the next great “-Gate” to come along, they amuse themselves by making nefarious Nixonian mountains out of the routine molehills of politics.”

Go over there and read the whole thing.  The new Congressmen are going to need balls of steel to stand up to this nonsense.  Fortunately, some of them appear to have just that, and the new Speaker certainly does.

And speaking of the new Speaker, I just discovered that when I type “john boehner” into Google, Google helpfully recommends “john boehner affair” as its first search option.

Well isn’t that helpful?  Can’t let a moment go to waste before demonizing the man for the sin of being Republican.

Yeah, that's right. She did it with me.

In further news I was watching a rerun of “Glee” tonight.  I haven’t been a big fan, but lately I’m getting caught up in it, in spite of the several instances of conservative bashing that normally drives me away from a show pretty much for good.  What can I say?  These people have talent, and I love watching them sing and dance, in spite of the fact that they hold me and mine in contempt.

But they really start to lose me with stuff like this:

I like singing and dancing.  I don’t like attitude just for the apparent sake of attitude, and I especially don’t like New York-centric attitude.  Listen, I lived in New York for years, and I hope to live in New York again.  But being in New York doesn’t make you special, and it’s pathetic to see anyone asserting otherwise.

That video makes the characters look like naive douches, at best.

But damn it, I can’t help liking Glee in spite of that.  And even though she has disappointed me tremendously by acting like a bully and an asshole in Newsweek, there are few people on television who give me more pleasure than Jane Lynch.

LOLWHUT?

Now I differ from most of my Twitter brethren insofar as my first response to the hoarders on Hoarders is pure heartbreak.  I feel so bad for these people, even when they are at their most revolting and obnoxious.  I can’t help myself.  I’ve had too many years of dealing with crazy people, and I’m more or less inured to it.

Here’s a clip for your enjoyment.  It involves poo.  You’re welcome.

…

Nah, you know what?  Here’s Rush Limbaugh on an episode of Hearts Afire from 1994 instead.  Find your own poo videos!